A girl, who has never been without a boyfriend for more then a couple months, asked me “are you single still?..” and I said “yes.” She proceeded to ask me “how can you stand NOT having a boyfriend?” and “why are you not out there looking for one?!?” As I looked at her these first thoughts ran through my head; ~how can you stand being with a different guy every day, week, and month knowing its probably not gonna last any longer then the last one? Why stay with a guy, hand him your heart, emotions, future, and life knowing he’ll grab it, use it, throw it away, then flush it down the toilet making it that much harder for you to piece together for the next guy who happens to walk up?~ Then what I said to her was; “I don’t mind dating or being with guys. Im definetly straight. But why would I be in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship? Why would I go out of my way to like or ‘love’ a guy who i KNOW just wants something from me. Not for me, not happiness and love and wats best for me. No he wants something from me. Something I wont give. You see im not I VERY giving person. Granted I give love to my friends and family, I’d do anything for them. I give my time to school and young marines. I give certain people the joy to know all of me and my little quirks. Why full on Love someone who I Know only likes me back? What makes me any less of a person to want him to prove his love to me as much as he wants me to prove my love to him?? But why would I GIVE some guy my heart, emotions, passions, life, time, and future if I know it will be used once then thrown away. Im delicate, like a soft tissue. How many people do you know who will see a new tissue and wipe their nose on it? Everyone right? But how many people, even guys, will take a used tissue and reuse it?… its gross. If all my emotions are spent on all these other guys what else will I have to give? And who decides when used is too used to be used anymore?.. leaving me to settle with WHOEVER will use me instead of me choosing. Someday I will meet a guy who isn’t scared when im quiet because he knows it means someone hurt me or im deeply thinking. He wont cringe when I make a stupid mistakes cause he understands its no good crying over spilled milk. He’ll know to restrain me when im in a rage cause I’ll get over it. He’ll know that when I cry during our fights, its not because im sorry, its because im frustrated because he already knows I only cry when I cant say hurtful words cause I don’t have the heart to say them out loud.. He wont get creeped out because I don’t cry when people die, because he knows I hold it in. he’ll hold me when im sick, be there when I finally open up, and defend me when im too weak to fight myself. Why would I jeopardize my chances of meeting him if I know he’s out there? Why would you?” needless to say, she was speechless.
