The little boy who thought he was a dog.

Hi, my name's Sammie. I'm 7 years old and this is my story. I love my family. I have a big sister named Megan and my mom and my dad. I like pretending to be a dog. I think dogs are the coolest but I can't have one, so I play being one. Everytime we go to the park I tell my dad to throw the ball, then I run really fast like a dog and I grab it and bring it back. They always laugh when I do that. I like making them laugh. But they don't laugh all the time, sometimes dad gets mad at me when I go in his office when he's working, and i ask him to throw the ball. I like my family, but sometimes they ignore me. Like when Megan is gone and I ask mom where she is, she just tells me to stop asking. But my birthday is coming up, I'm gonna be 8 years old, I can't wait! I think mom and dad will let me go play out front by myself like Megan. She always gets to do things I can't. My birthday is soon and I can't wait. I'm gonna go outside tonight and show them I'm a big boy. So when Megan came home and took out the trash before dinner, I ran outside when she wasn't looking. It was so exciting! I ran up and down the street, but then it was dark so I knew I should head home. I started back to our house but I got lost, so I tried asking for help but no-one would help me. Then I ran across the street and a car came out of nowhere and my head hurt so bad. The man got out and took me to the doctor. They called my parents and my family came to see me. Mom and Megan were crying, dad gave me a hug and held me. But why were they so sad? I'm ok, the doctor said I'm ok. Nobody would answer me. Then the doctor came back in and she put a needle in my arm and it made me feel dizzy. Then she put this white stuff in my arm. Mom took Megan out of the room and dad held my on his lap. He kept saying good boy, Sammie, you're a good boy. Then my eyes started to close, I was so tired. But dad said I'm a good boy, I smiled and went to sleep.

LIFE

  There was a coldness creeping into my life,

                      I was too late to realize it was the iciness of your hands

                            clenching my poor pumping heart.

                      The loneliness of your love aches as a throbbing wound.

                             You betrayed me. We laughed and smiled,

                       sunshine and cuddles lit up my world.

                              But you turned your back to me, all anyone would

                       tell me, "Life hurts, suck it up." No love. No warmth.

                               Life is a lonely road with heartless by-passers.

                                                   This. Is. My. Life.

Survivor

open windows, judgment hailing

at me, waiting for the change.

but it will never be. 

fishbowl lives, looking out, they see me 

wondering why i can't flop back to my bowl. 

wondering why i struggle against their will, 

not knowing i was forged from different metal.

they put their shades down to shield their children, 

their shades have mirrors on the outside. 

hoping i will see myself struggle and give up. 

but i am strong, the fire within me fuels my soul. 

that burning that grows within me,  

created from their hatred. 

they do not know, 

that it is the same fire the pushes me forward. 

i will strive, i will conquer.

 i am not sure what meets me in the end, 

it is the journey that i live for, there might not ever be a reward. 

a gift, a place to settle my weary soul to rest in security and peace. 

but i am a survivor of my circumstance. 

i will not allow others to victimize me, 

to reduce me to a syrup, to be molded then hardened for their liking. 

i push on, i sweat on, i am lonely, but i am strong.

Burdened

Some see a fight, a push, a shove.

  I see a desperate cry for love.

Some see a brat, annoying twit acting bad.

  I see a boy who's never met his dead beat dad.

Some see the messes and trouble they give,

  I see the broken hearts and homes they have lived.

Some see a teenager who clothes are too tight.

  I see a girl who has to protect herself at night.

Some see the disrespect, one who smarts off too loud.

  I see a kid who gets made fun of in a crowd.

Some see a woman who just comes to use.

  I see a lady, by a drunken husband, abused.

Some see a drug addict, withered and worn.

  I see a soul that the Lord wants reborn.

Some see dirt, filth and snot.

  I see a kid, who without Jesus, has no shot.

Some see a crook, sticky fingers reach out too much.

  I see a man who needs the Lord's touch.

Some see a bunch of heathens, that holler and yell.

  I see children with parents in jail.

Some see a rowdy boy who gives a lot of flack,

  I see a boy who's whole family is on crack.

            Broken homes,

                        Broken lives,

                                   Broken hearts,

                                                  with no hope.

Flailing in sin, blindly trying to grope

   For the answer of perfection, their souls are all stirred.

Lighting the path to God's Holy Word

Bucket list

[*]Climb an oak tree
[*]Have a chocolate fondue party
[*]Go to a masquerade
[*]Go to DisneyLand
[*]Be in a relationship with an uber spontaneous/great guy
[*]Take a road trip in a semi

• Go on a cross country road trip with my man
• Fly a kite
• Ride a horse on a beach
• Go skydiving
• Lay in a boat, floating down the river
• Fall asleep in an apple tree, on a warm sunny day
• Sleep in a tent in the house
• Swim in a bay
• Sleep on a bouncy waterbed
• Pet a wolf, owl, and tiger

• Make a HUGE collage of my life
• Sleep by a waterfall, then swim in it
• Lay in a meadow with my man all day and at night
• Go para-sailing
• Paint a room however I want
• Publish my poems
• Spend a whole day with puppies
• Shake hands with a monkey
• Ride an elephant
• Eat dinner with the president
• Save a life
• Have a garden
• Be given a surprise B-Day party with my closest friends and a comedian
• Go to a poetry reading
• Drink a Coca Cola with Shel Silverstein
• Meet Beverly Lewis and Karen Kingsbury
• Design and make a wedding dress
• Decorate a magnificent cake
• Go to Disney World
• Row a rowboat
• Own and drive a purple old chevy truck
• Wear a flower crown at a festival
• Be a princess for a day
• Swim with dolphins
• Cuddle penguins
• Learn ballroom dances then go to a ball with fancy dresses
• Explore a rain forest
• Spend a day in a sunroom, when its raining with a cappuccino and a pile of books
• Go fishing and camping at Lake Pleasant with my man
• Play with a lemur
• Follow a rainbow

A girl, who has never been without a boyfriend for more then a couple months, asked me “are you single still?..”              and I said “yes.”                    She proceeded to ask me “how can you stand NOT having a boyfriend?” and “why are you not out there looking for one?!?”                        As I looked at her these first thoughts ran through my head; ~how can you stand being with a different guy every day, week, and month knowing its probably not gonna last any longer then the last one? Why stay with a guy, hand him your heart, emotions, future, and life knowing he’ll grab it, use it, throw it away, then flush it down the toilet making it that much harder for you to piece together for the next guy who happens to walk up?~                                            Then what I said to her was; “I don’t mind dating or being with guys. Im definetly straight. But why would I be in a relationship JUST to be in a relationship? Why would I go out of my way to like or ‘love’ a guy who i KNOW just wants something from me. Not for me, not happiness and love and wats best for me. No he wants something from me. Something I wont give. You see im not I VERY giving person. Granted I give love to my friends and family, I’d do anything for them. I give my time to school and young marines. I give certain people the joy to know all of me and my little quirks. Why full on Love someone who I Know only likes me back? What makes me any less of a person to want him to prove his love to me as much as he wants me to prove my love to him??  But why would I GIVE some guy my heart, emotions, passions, life, time, and future if I know it will be used once then thrown away. Im delicate, like a soft tissue. How many people do you know who will see a new tissue and wipe their nose on it? Everyone right? But how many people, even guys, will take a used tissue and reuse it?… its gross. If all my emotions are spent on all these other guys what else will I have to give? And who decides when used is too used to be used anymore?.. leaving me to settle with WHOEVER will use me instead of me choosing. Someday I will meet a guy who isn’t scared when im quiet because he knows it means someone hurt me or im deeply thinking. He wont cringe when I make a stupid mistakes cause he understands its no good crying over spilled milk. He’ll know to restrain me when im in a rage cause I’ll get over it. He’ll know that when I cry during our fights, its not because im sorry, its because im frustrated because he already knows I only cry when I cant say hurtful words cause I don’t have the heart to say them out loud.. He wont get creeped out because I don’t cry when people die, because he knows I hold it in. he’ll hold me when im sick, be there when I finally open up, and defend me when im too weak to fight myself. Why would I jeopardize my chances of meeting him if I know he’s out there? Why would you?”                                                     needless to say, she was speechless.

One of the hardest things in my mind, is deciding what is the best choice for me to make. I have to look past of all the influences of my parents, peers, relatives, and people i don't even know and see what i can do with my life and decide how i am going to make it. Sometimes i allow people in my head. My parents have seeped in, my peers have snaked their way into my ideas and my future of who i could become. I have let this influence build up and it has stormed into a pressure that blockades my will. Ribbons of my potential life lines race past, yet i cannot see them clear enough to read the fine print.